relationships
By Danielle Kam, freelance writer, editor, and copywriter. She’s also written for Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Tinder, Bumble, WeWork, Taskrabbit, and others.
Photo: AleksandarNakic/Getty Images
Being apart from someone you love is tough — waking up to cold sheets instead of cuddles,missing their “It’s all going to be okay” hug after a stressful day, or losing those spontaneous dance-party-in-pajamas moments. Suffice it to say, long-distance relationships aren’t exactly easy. Still, there are absolutely ways to make them work.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, “couples should consider their schedules, emotional needs, and preferences, then adjust as needed,” says therapist Jackie Rosenfeld, LMSW, of Manhattan Wellness. “Flexibility and mutual understanding are key to finding a balance that works for both partners.” We talked to Rosenfeld, along with licensed therapist and relationship coach Leah Aguirre and master-certified relationship coach Amie Leadingham, for advice on how to keep an LDR strong even when the distance feels insurmountable.
1. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Communication should be regular and consistent with both partners putting in the effort, explains Aguirre: “Be communicative about your schedule and other priorities. When you are clear and direct, it helps to eliminate any feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, or insecurities. Even if you’re unable to talk or check in —communicate that. A simple ‘Hey, it’s a really busy day and I’ll be working late’ or ‘Hey, I have the kids today and won’t be on my phone’ can establish and reinforce trust and secure attachment.”
Leadingham also reminds us that compromise will play a role here —maybe one person would like to talk more often than the other, so finding that middle ground that works for both of you is the goal. TL;DR: “The best rhythm is the one that keeps you both feeling connected without becoming a burden or obligation,” she says.
2. Be Present With Each Other (Physically and Digitally)
“Since you don’t have the luxury of frequent in-person interactions, each call, visit, or video chat carries more weight,” Rosenfeld says. “It’s crucial to take advantage of these moments, as it often helps couples make the time spent together more fulfilling.”
Leadingham agrees, sharing that while it’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of being together but mentally elsewhere, you have to be intentional (like putting your phone on “Do Not Disturb” while FaceTiming; I know — hard but worth it). “There’s something special that happens when you’re fully present,” she says. “You notice the little things about each other, you have deeper conversations, and you create meaningful memories that sustain you through the times apart.”
3. Get Creative With How You Connect
Calling, texting, and FaceTiming are all solid ways to communicate, but they can get repetitive. Try shaking things up with activities that bring fun, spontaneity, and strengthen your bond. Leadingham has some suggestions: “You could try cooking the same recipe simultaneously while on video chat (even if one of you is a disaster in the kitchen), playing online games together, or taking virtual classes together — like a wine tasting where you both order the same bottles or an online dance class.”
She adds that there’s something extra meaningful about holding something the other person touched: “Sending each other surprise boxes is a fun option. You could pick themes and fill them with little things that remind you of each other or inside jokes you share. Also, old-school handwritten cards or letters can feel really special.”
4. Make a Long-term Plan for the Future
“Clear, honest conversations about the future ensure both partners are on the same page and working toward a shared vision, making the distance feel more manageable,” says Rosenfeld. “Knowing the next steps — whether it’s moving to the same city, getting engaged, or setting a timeline for visits —helps both partners stay committed.”
Leadingham also stresses the importance of getting on the same page but notes to allow for some flexibility: “Life throws curveballs, and sometimes opportunities arise that might shift your timeline or approach. The key is making sure you’re both committed to eventually being together and regularly checking in about how your individual decisions impact that shared future.”
5. Plan Smaller Things to Look Forward To
“Planning something to look forward to, like the next visit or a trip together, keeps a long-distance relationship exciting. It helps reduce the feelings of loneliness and creates anticipation and motivation to push through the distance. Also, having a concrete plan reinforces commitment, showing that both partners are invested in the relationship’s future. It can be as simple as a FaceTime date or as elaborate as a European summer adventure. It’ll look different for each couple based on their likes. The important thing to remember is that it’s planned in advance and there to look forward to.” —Rosenfeld
6. Develop Healthy Coping Strategies
“Making sure that you are still living a full life is imperative —having hobbies, interests, and passions outside of your relationship will help you feel fulfilled and whole. Focusing on what you can control, like what you can do in your day-to-day life to bring joy and give meaning, helps you cope with and manage the things outside of your control, like not living in the same city or place as your partner. It’s also important to build a strong support system of people you can regularly connect and spend time with.” —Aguirre
In short, “stay intentional, communicate openly, remember to laugh, and always remind each other that the distance is temporary,” says Rosenfeld. Good luck out there!
Tags:
- self
- advice
- relationships
- dating
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